Blog 24 Catharsis
My Flying Trapeze business did not succeed and the failure of this hurts. It hurts physically as well as mentally and emotionally. So this blog hopefully will be my catharsis.
I’m sitting here, crying my eyes out yet again and my chest hurts and I think this is why people used to think they were dying of a broken heart because their chest hurt. I’m sure there is some physiological reason but for me at the moment my heart is smooshed. Someone has grabbed it and crushed it and it hurts.
I believed in a rock solid way that the Universe wanted me to start Flying Trapeze in South Australia. I have since had a couple of conversations with the Universe about it’s apparent contrariness.
I had all of these hopes, dreams, expectations and now kapoot. I spent all this money and time and stress and now kapoot.
I tore down stables and fences. I went to court, I dealt with truly horrible people and now kapoot.
So were there positives and did I learn anything.
The positives are;
Nobody got badly hurt, a man fell into the net face first, I nearly broke a finger but nobody got hurt or killed that’s a major one.
I got to have a trapeze in my front paddock and who knows I may get her back one day when I find someone to go into business with or who just wants to do it socially. It’s not impossible, she was there at one point.
I have met some truly beautiful people on this adventure, that’s been good.
I flew on a flying trapeze by myself with no-one around – how often can you say that?
I have packed up a safety net and flying trapeze equipment by myself a couple of times – that’s a big job.
I flew on a flying trapeze at night time that was cool. Something else happened that night while we were flying but I’m not game to mention that publicly.
I got to be a person who did not just talk about things but did something, I got the rig to South Australia and set up and started a business before it all went kapoot.
I’m not hugely in debt as a result, I didn’t lose my house, I still have my family. If you look up the Leyland brothers they lost everything from their business going bust.
Is this a lesson in resilience? My friend wants to have a go at getting the trapeze business up and running and she is a force of nature. When she is successful I am going to need to be able to say well done, you have done what I could not and that my friends will be character building.
I guess I have not encountered failure in such a huge non digestable ball before. I’ve never been the fastest or smartest but I always get the job done. So I expected this business to work if I just tried hard enough, threw enough money at it, kept ringing the people who never answered messages or phone calls or did what they promised.
I need to allow a grieving time. I need to understand that I am suffering a loss. It’s not a loss like a loved one but it still has hit me incredibly hard
Thanks for reading. I’m sure 2018 is going to be the best year yet.