There’s been a few changes in my gym world and I haven’t liked any of them. I can’t park outside the front anymore and I’m not willing to leave my dogs on the street so I don’t bring my dogs to gym anymore. Trainers used to let me coast with my workouts. These days they seem to expect more of me and while I am looking and feeling extremely fit I have found that a bit stressful and a bit nice all at the same time. There’s no room for my trapeze in this fancy schmanzy gym and I’m sad about that even though the Universe gave me an alternative venue pretty much straight away. The kicker though, the straw that broke this camel’s back is that they are no longer posting the workouts.
I used to look at the workout and then prepare myself for what was to come. Now I lob up to the gym and kapow here’s what you have to do. Thursday it all got too much and this little camel’s back broke.
I rocked up to gym and I wasn’t feeling a hundred percent. The workout involved 18 rope climbs and before we did the workout we had time for a skill check. While that skill check was going on I was thinking about how much energy I didn’t have. How hard these climbs would be. How tired I would get and how it was just about a certainty that I would fall and break my neck. That’s how I spent my skill check time. The clock was ticking, the skill check would be over and bye bye Trishy. I very quietly waited for the coach to look the other way, I gave a quick wave to the people closest to me, I grabbed my bag and I high tailed it out of there. There’s been several workouts where I have dreamed about getting my keys and going, this was the first time I actually did it and to not even let the coach know I was going was down right rude but I didn’t want to get persuaded to stay and these crossfit coaches are pretty damn persuasive.
I got in my car and my gym buddy Mel came out. I thought Mel I have no time for goodbyes, I’m leggin it, I’m doing a runner, I’m piking it. I have now learned that Mel is pretty persuasive too and back I went with just keys and a drink. I was hoping I could slot in and maybe nobody noticed but everybody noticed, big sigh.
So my head was fucked. I wasn’t good going in before gym started, now that I had steeled my courage to run away, (it’s actually quite hard for some people to leg it you know, some of us just freeze) so I had steeled my courage to leg it and now I was back and those rope climbs were in front of me and I thought, bring me a hole and just swallow me up. At least we had nice runs between the climbs, I do love me a run.
The coach was lovely, I got told off a couple of times for leggin it but the ferrets in my head were working overtime that day so I didn’t hear much of what he was saying, I did hear his jokes though I love his jokes. On Tuesday he had told my group that we did good resting, I’m still chuckling over that one.
The misery isn’t over but there was a lot of growth from this session. I didn’t think that I could do the climbs but you know what I went up and down that rope like a damn monkey. It felt easier than when we did the last rope workout but I was convinced CONVINCED that my energy at any moment was going to go and I would drop and die. So we got to the last round and the coach said how many reps have you got and I said I finished and I hadn’t finished. Let the remorse begin.
I didn’t expect him to believe me, I kind of said it like a joke but when he did believe me I didn’t think quick enough to say, no I’m only joking. This devil came out of my head and said, he’s believed you Trish you can go home now. So I stopped and another woman who was training with me and on the same round and reps I was, kept going and I felt like shit.
This was the first workout where I got in the car and I was ashamed of myself. Normally I’m as proud as punch with myself but today the feeling was awful. The only thing that gave me comfort was that I was not going to ever do this again. If I leave a gym I will tell the coach or I will stay put and I will never ever be a dirty rep shaver again, there’s just nothing lower in a gym. Well maybe people who put the dumbbells back incorrectly, I think they might be spending a little time on the hell burn list. My last piece of misery on this misery pie is that I could have RX’d that bloody workout and it would have been my first that wasn’t just a big run. I’ve always wanted to RX a workout and I get given the opportunity and I throw it all away. Remorse, people it’s a powerful powerful force.
Now with all that hupla going on, it finally made me take a good hard look at myself. Who am I and who do I want to be. I had a good long talk with Sam the gym owner over muscle up club. He says that he doesn’t post the workouts now because we should be ready for whatever the workout is and that is mentally challenging as well as physically. I liked this answer because one of my weakest points is the ability to do things spontaneously. I normally like a good hard think about things. This is where Crossfit is very good for me. I need to shuck off the old gym and start looking at our new way of doing things. Crossfit is helping me mentally. I’ve been hanging on to the old gym like she’s going to come back and she isn’t. So I need to at least accept the new even if I don’t like it.
That was the week that was. Thank you for reading, catch you next week.