Blog 1 (Because I forgot to make it No 1 when 2018 started – Oops) Where do I start?


I have had the most amazing weekend of pole. It’s hard to know where to start because so many amazing things happened. Even using the word amazing is problematic because I am concerned about the use of hyperbole. Oh really Trish? Another amazing pole session? Was it as amazing as the last amazing one or the amazing one before that? So I am going to go out on a limb and say this weekend for this humble blogger was life changing now you have to admit life changing doesn’t happen all the time.

We had a new teacher Ali and I don’t normally handle change well. However previous teachers have said you should try new teachers because they may give you a different way of looking at things that your regular teacher hasn’t. New teachers  also shake things up and stop you being complacent.

So I rocked up to Friday’s class and I shared this class with Tania (couple of years of pole and can do a cool pencil trick) and Megan (can do just about every trick you can imagine on both sides). I thought that’s cool, I’ll let these two eagles soar and I can pick up stuff on the periphery. I like the periphery, the central spot light is a hot and demanding place.

Well Ali wasn’t having any of this. She kept challenging Tania and Megan and then she kept rocking up in front of me and saying ok I’ll spot you, let’s give it a go. I thought it only fair to let her know that I may be in intermediates but I would be low intermediates. Ali didn’t seem to mind and I managed to do moves that I had not done before.

So this is the thing with a new teacher, they will focus on things that you may not have given much attention to. I’m going to put my hand up now and admit something. My name is Trish Morton and I don’t train both sides. There I said it. Ali’s class was a world of both sides, even just climbing a pole on your less favoured side is a challenge.

She asked the wonderful question of “what is your favourite move?” I don’t think I quite ran over Tania and Megan in my race to answer but I’m petty sure they knew what was coming. My hand shot up before I had even thought about it, “Ayesha Let’s do Ayesha”. So because Tania and Megan are truly lovely people they did not object and off we went practising our Ayesha.

Every move Ali does is gorgeous, she demonstrated an Ayesha from a dive and it was slow and controlled. Curl your legs in, find your balance point and then extend your legs. As Ali came out of the demonstration she did something that looked suspiciously like an Iron X and up went my hand again. Ali can you Iron X? Yes she said and I thought Ali is ok in my book.

So I tried Ayesha this way and had a little success. It was better than it had been before but it wasn’t there. I was happy we had just practised it.

At the very end of the class Ali said something that surprised me very much. She said after saying that I had done well in class that I needed to stop talking down about myself. Now Stephanie from other classes had said something similar previously but it hadn’t hit home until I put her comment and Ali’s together.

I had to go out and run an errand before the my next class started so that gave me time to think about the comment. To begin with I thought, she’s mad, I am the power of positivity, I tell other people off or at least pull them up when they speak down about themselves. I was gobsmacked to think that I was doing it myself. I had always thought I was just being honest about my abilities but was I? Maybe I was one of those people who speak down about themselves. Ok I thought I’m going to fix that up right now.

This is going to be such a long blog for anyone to read. You might want to stop here and go and have a break I still have a ton of stuff to get through.

I had a one hour break while they held a beginner class and by the way congratulations on that Sky High Pole and Fitness, the class was full, there wasn’t even a pole for the instructor, she had to share.

The next class on that fateful Friday night was a dance class run by Ali and the routine was to Christine Aguilera’s Express. Now I need to give a little preamble here.

When I started pole I did not have a good body image. Pole fixed that. I am now comfortable in my own skin and that’s a lovely place to be. Something I have always wanted though and have been curious as to whether I could ever actually achieve it, is,

drum roll please,

sex appeal.

There publish and be damned I say. Is sex appeal something that can be learnt or is it just a natural thing that some people have and some people don’t? Is it a mental thing, is it an asset thing, is it size or shape or age? What is it and how do you get it? Think Sophie Lauren, Audrey Hepburn, Adelaide’s own Nona Mona, these ladies all have it and I want some. So when Pole first started Exotic classes I thought way you go Trishy that’ll see you right. I bought some kick ass boots and then I promptly never tried on the boots and never went to the exotic class. Fast forward to Friday night’s class.

The routine Ali was offering was a mini burlesque beginner routine and to me that sounded like a sampler of the Exotic class. Bec from gym very kindly came with me and we stationed ourselves at the back of the class.

The routine was easy and it was fun and it was a bit sexy. There were these bits when you kind of popped and I thought, this is a life I don’t often experience. This was a world away from dogs, cats, birds, horses and donkeys. It was fun and I was still dancing as we left the studio and went to our cars. I was still dancing in the kitchen making my cocoa that night and I was still dancing the next day doing my chores. I was setting up the horse feed singing Express and still doing pirouettes. So it doesn’t matter if you’re old, if you’re scarred, if you’re not particularly co-ordinated. You can still have a lot of fun doing these routines. This was a life changing concept for me.

A couple of funny things to share. One was that Bec and I went to the back of the class and then Ali rotated the class so that suddenly Bec and I were at the front of the class when everyone faced the back wall and I thought, mm that strategy didn’t work well. Then Bec said the funniest thing and I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it. There was a tricky move and I said to Bec just fake it if you can’t get it. Bec is a stunning red head who is super strong. She doesn’t miss a beat. She says if I can’t get a move I’ll just get my tits out and no-one will notice. I nearly had a heart attack I thought that was so funny.

Now what this dance class did for me was to show me that no–one apart from the teacher is watching you when you’re in class, all the other students are concentrating on their moves. You can be shown sexy moves so sexiness and sex appeal can be learned. How well you learn it is your own business but it is not the purvey of the naturally inclined. Important point number two is and I hope you are paying attention because this one is gold. Whether you look sexy, whether you can act sexy or come across as someone with sex appeal is one thing. The real gold in my humble opinion is how the dance makes you feel. I felt pretty dam good about myself after that class and I knew that I didn’t look different. Something had changed on the inside. I had been given a pass to something I hadn’t had before. It was life changing. I predict there will be more dances in the paddock while feeding the horses coming up. Pole is magical, it is transformative.

Ok suggested break number two, cup of tea and a biscuit???

Saturday morning I was back at pole and Ali was taking the class. She asked the, “What is your favourite move” question and with a force of will I never knew I had I kept my hand down and she laughed and said yes Trish the Ayesha. We did a lot of both sides training again which seriously messed with my head. We did some very pretty chopper to butterfly combos and I got leg hangs like I rarely have got them before. Finally because I knew I only had a certain amount of strength I said can we do Ayeshas now. Yes Trish Ali said you can do Ayeshas now.

So I practiced what Ali had told us Friday night. Go up slow, dive, curl your legs, find your balance and then extend and oh my god the Ayesha was mine. It felt rock solid. I could never understand why I couldn’t get it because I am strong, that is one of my strong suits (ho ho). So it’s strength and balance. Nail those two and you can have the move.

I have wanted the Ayesha for a very long time. I got Ali to take my picture and I will get it printed out and stick it on my fridge. This is a move that I wanted, didn’t have and have now got. It was mind blowing. There is now a very real chance that I will be writing a blog with me doing an Iron X. OMG!!!!! Who knows there could be a hand spring in my future maybe a full pole drop. I feel like the world is my oyster. What do you want? Work for it and you can have it. I left that pole studio feeling invisible. How much would you pay for that feeling? Good God people all that happened in one weekend. We did iguana stuff but I don’t care I only had eyes for the Ayesha but Tania is going to show me her cool pencil trick I quite fancy that.

Thanks for reading

Thank you Universe for Sky High Pole and Fitness, it’s a magical place.


Blog 26 Stretch Class


Sky High Pole and Fitness (Shameless plug) run a couple of stretch classes and I go to the Saturday one. At the moment Adelaide is a furnace so it’s a bit of a big deal for me to haul my weary tush into the class when it’s 37 degrees outside and you haven’t had much sleep.

However, it is the sort of class that you don’t want to miss if you can possibly help it. Giang runs the class and it’s a really good class.

Part of the magic of this class is that you get tons of time for each stretch. I’ve done sessions in other places where you get maybe ten or fifteen seconds on a stretch. It’s not bad but we go forever in our stretches. I mean governments change, seasons change, days, weeks, months go by, before we come out of a stretch. I’m exaggerating just a tiny bit but yesterday when I really honestly thought is Giang ever going to say come out of this stretch I felt myself go deeper in the stretch. It was like one minute, tight, tighter, excruciating, then oh I’ve just moved down a couple of millimetres it was amazing.

While I was doing this stretch that lasted a thousand years, I had a lot of time for reflection. Normally I sleep in the stretches. I’m so tired from doing Crossfit or Giang’s pole class before her stretch class that I shut my eyes and power nap whenever I get the chance. However today I had only come out of my air conditioned cave for the stretch class so compared to how I was normally, I was pretty awake.

We were in this stretch and it was uncomfortable. I had twisted my knee the previous week helping to unload hay, that was flat out embarrassing, picture me saying I’ll help you unload, to my lovely hay man and then after two bales, ooh no I won’t. So I’m in this stretch and it hurts but it isn’t stabby. Giang says try and stay in the stretch if you can but if it’s painful come out. So I’m in this stretch and just for once I’m actually awake and I’m thinking it would be so easy just to move my leg out, just get up and stop, just change position and stop the stretch. This was after I had been to my happy place a couple of times and been back. I thought yes I could do that but at some point you have to decide do you really trust the person taking the class. Do you think she means for you to be in this stretch for this long and if you do and you trust her then you stay put. So I stayed put and I stayed awake and I felt my body go tight tighter excruciating and then relief, lower, it was kind of amazing.

I had made a joke earlier that we could do the class via a television in the studio and we could all stay home and follow along but there is no way I would have stayed in the stretch for that long. Also Giang was coming around readjusting people, getting them straight and you can’t get that from a video.

I need stretch for Pole but I also do stretch because I believe it strengthens your body. I know a lot of people say oh you can be strong or you can be flexible but you can’t have both but I disagree. I think flexibility makes your joints supple rather than stiff and it means you will bend before you break. I can’t prove this but I’ve seen some elderly folk who are very flexible and they look like their bodies are treating them very well. I’ve seen other people very hunched up and stiff so I would like to join the first group please.

I also think stretching is cool just for the shapes you can make and what your body can do. It’s also amazingly relaxing. I come out of stretch class and all my joints feel stretched out and limber. I feel like I’ve just had a yoga class in the sense of how relaxed I feel and it’s helping me with my pole. I also don’t get very sore with exercise and I wonder if the stretch class is helping with that too.

I think the pole stretch class is a little undiscovered gem at my studio. I think it has all of these benefits, only one of which is helping with pole.

It’s an amazing class. If you find a teacher that you’re really happy with you will move heaven and earth to get to their classes.

Thanks for reading

Thank you Universe for Sky High Pole and Fitness, it’s a wonderful place.

Blog 25 Dance Class

4458_Chorus-Girl-2So my pole studio runs a lesson called Combo and Floorwork. They have these sessions for each level of student and if there is a vacancy, a level above is allowed to go to a level below class. So there was a vacancy in Friday’s class and the teacher Sarah was doing a routine to Sia’s Elastic Heart which is a song that I adore.

I’m sure we’ve all seen the video clip to Elastic Heart and if you haven’t just google it, it’s right there waiting for you. I had always thought there is no way I could do a credible dance to that song. Sure I could jig around, especially with a little alcohol inside me but an actual choreographed dance? I wanted to see if I could do that.

Do you know what? I released my inner Maddie Ziegler and I gave it a red hot go. It helped that Sarah came up with this really cool routine. We did this bit where we leaned forward around the pole and our arms were out I guess in these two sort of downward right angles. That looked really cool. Then you grab the pole with one arm, still staring at the mirror then you switch arms and when we are all doing it at the same time, it just looks excellent. I know it would be better explained with a video but I’m not techo enough for that. Anyhoo for a couple of beats you are in this pose staring at the mirror and it was just brilliant. You forget how old you are, you forget how crappy your day or your week has been. You actually just lose yourself in the dance.

Now just imagine looking at your reflection in the mirror as you do this dance and being happy with what you see? How much would you pay for that? I loved that lesson, I truly honestly loved that lesson, well done Sarah on a fantastic choreography. 

I did a dance class as well with Emily on Monday and I discovered when I got home that I could practice pirouettes and body rolls with my hills hoist. So I’m putting out the washing the next day, side stepping dogs and practising her routine. I was doing body rolls against the hills hoist and when I did them I wasn’t a person who had just picked up the horse poop, or fed the dogs or mopped the floor, I was someone in a studio doing a cool dance to cool music wearing a cool outfit. Thanks Emily, brilliant class.

There is something about doing what you love being so beneficial to you. When you do what you love it takes all the toxic people out of your system and you are transformed. I would urge everyone to find what they love and do it, you will become a different person.

This has got to get a mention. Monday night I did a Tammy with a fair bit of encouragement from Emily, cheers for that Emily. I also have started the process to learn drops from Sarah and I thought they would be a super duper mega advanced move and no there is a version they can teach us where we won’t die. How cool is that?

We had a class Saturday and I had a case of the ‘fats’. There was me and the mirror and I was pulling myself to pieces. A very smart lady on Face book showed her friends a picture of them as little kids and she said would you say those hurtful things to this little kid. So I started looking in that mirror and remembering me as a little kid. Then I started looking at my body, and this was all while we were doing our exercises, and I started critically looking and finding what I liked instead of what I didn’t like. It’s a really interesting exercise. So I liked my legs, I liked my arms and all of a sudden your attention goes to them instead of what you don’t like about yourself. You should try it if you ever get a case of the fats it’s a very good exercise.

I’ve been having a few conversations with this little girl I used to be. I had almost forgotten about her. It’s actually hard to rubbish yourself when you know that you are rubbishing her.

I love my pole studio. It is my happy place. I made a deal with myself that regardless of how I felt I would show up for class and it is paying off. My mental state feels so much better.

Thanks for reading, go find what you love if you haven’t already, it is the best thing you can do.

Thank you Universe for physical fitness, dance, kind and funny instructors and Sia – thanks for Sia she’s all kinds of awesome.



Blog 24 Catharsis

Blog 24 Catharsis

My Flying Trapeze business did not succeed and the failure of this hurts. It hurts physically as well as mentally and emotionally. So this blog hopefully will be my catharsis.

I’m sitting here, crying my eyes out yet again and my chest hurts and I think this is why people used to think they were dying of a broken heart because their chest hurt. I’m sure there is some physiological reason but for me at the moment my heart is smooshed. Someone has grabbed it and crushed it and it hurts.

I believed in a rock solid way that the Universe wanted me to start Flying Trapeze in South Australia. I have since had a couple of conversations with the Universe about it’s apparent contrariness.

I had all of these hopes, dreams, expectations and now kapoot. I spent all this money and time and stress and now kapoot.

I tore down stables and fences. I went to court, I dealt with truly horrible people and now kapoot.

So were there positives and did I learn anything.

The positives are;

Nobody got badly hurt, a man fell into the net face first, I nearly broke a finger but nobody got hurt or killed that’s a major one.

I got to have a trapeze in my front paddock and who knows I may get her back one day when I find someone to go into business with or who just wants to do it socially. It’s not impossible, she was there at one point.

I have met some truly beautiful people on this adventure, that’s been good.

I flew on a flying trapeze by myself with no-one around – how often can you say that?

I have packed up a safety net and flying trapeze equipment by myself a couple of times – that’s a big job.

I flew on a flying trapeze at night time that was cool. Something else happened that night while we were flying but I’m not game to mention that publicly.

I got to be a person who did not just talk about things but did something, I got the rig to South Australia and set up and started a business before it all went kapoot.

I’m not hugely in debt as a result, I didn’t lose my house, I still have my family. If you look up the Leyland brothers they lost everything from their business going bust.

Is this a lesson in resilience? My friend wants to have a go at getting the trapeze business up and running and she is a force of nature. When she is successful I am going to need to be able to say well done, you have done what I could not and that my friends will be character building.

I guess I have not encountered failure in such a huge non digestable ball before. I’ve never been the fastest or smartest but I always get the job done. So I expected this business to work if I just tried hard enough, threw enough money at it, kept ringing the people who never answered messages or phone calls or did what they promised.

I need to allow a grieving time. I need to understand that I am suffering a loss. It’s not a loss like a loved one but it still has hit me incredibly hard

Thanks for reading. I’m sure 2018 is going to be the best year yet.


Blog 23 A Most Thought Provoking Conversation


Have you ever had a conversation with a person and it left you thinking about it for hours and possibly days afterwards? I had such a conversation a couple of days ago and I want to share some of it with you.

I was talking to a friend from Pole and she told me about some of her experiences as a student in another dance discipline. Her conversation got me to thinking.

The dance discipline she had attended is an old and respected one and it is very common for people to send their daughters for lessons and nobody blinks an eye. I imagine that if you said you were sending your six year old to a pole class there could well be some eye blinking, but is this fair and is this justified?

Back to the old discipline, the friend talked about walking into a room to take exams and being looked over by students and mums rather than given a smile as you enter. You walk into a pole studio people say hello and greet you.

She talked about other students being told that they did not have the right body type to do this form of dancing and those students being terribly upset and remember we are talking about young people here not hardened adults. In Pole we take you as you come, big, small, tall, short, it doesn’t matter they make it work. Isn’t that how it should be?

She talked about how she wasn’t able to achieve full extension in a move and that, that would limit how far she could go in that discipline. In Pole if you can’t do a move there are a million others you can have a go at and nobody cares if there is one thing you can’t do. Which lesson would you like your daughters or sons to learn? You can choose from – you’re not good enough as in discipline one or you’re plenty good enough as in Pole. If I had a daughter or a son interested in dance I would be choosing option two.

Now she’s not the only one that has told me about dodgy things happening from this discipline and to be honest I have heard some hair raising stories in gymnastics too. For instance, if you haven’t achieved your splits you’re out. If you don’t have your handstand by a certain age you’re out. I’m sure there are many studios and clubs out there that are lovely and inclusive and supportive but if you’re considering your child joining one how do you find out what life lessons they are actually teaching?

We’re not talking about joining the Australian Ballet or the Gymnastic Olympic team, maybe at that level sure you have to get a bit harsh. We are talking about children keeping fit, expressing themselves in art and feeling good about themselves.

So there was that part of the conversation and that really got me to thinking. Then we moved on to how Pole makes you comfortable in your own skin. Now this my friends is worth a million dollars and this is why I think we should be encouraging kids, women and men to do Pole.

My experience of Pole has been that it is transformative both physically and mentally. I have only been doing Pole since April and I am an older person with a lot of scars and I did not feel confident about my body. In Pole it is practical to wear less rather than more because you stick to the pole better. So all of a sudden it’s not about you only wear the outfits if you look good or feel good you wear the outfits because it’s practical and then lo and behold you start feeling good in them. I remember when I started, I was talking with other beginner students and it was a big deal to show our bellies. My friend from the first conversation said exactly the same thing. Now we wouldn’t bat an eye lid. I wish I had had that confidence when I was younger.

I watched the TV series the Handmaid’s Tale and if you haven’t seen it I would really recommend it. Women have to dress modestly, they are hot, uncomfortable, they do not have full vision because of the head gear. How often do we wear clothes that are hot or uncomfortable because we feel we have to cover up? I have fat, I have a scar I have a wrinkle – hide it. Who made these rules and why are we following them? The day I started wearing crop tops at the gym my work outs improved significantly. It had nothing to do with appearance it had everything to do with practicality.

On a regular basis I get females saying to me I couldn’t wear that, I couldn’t do that, I don’t have the body for that. So when did that thinking start and if you could stop your daughters and these days your sons thinking that way wouldn’t you? I know I would.

The idea of covering up and hiding yourself is so hateful and so destructive. I wish I had taken up Pole earlier and I would recommend Pole to anyone who does not feel good about their body or about their inner gifts.

I try changing these ideas with my students at school. I talk about how a strong, fit body is something you want. If you don’t have a strong fit body what can your body do for you, look at what it can do rather than what it can’t do. I promote collaboration, hard work and effort rather than a celebration of talent and competition. It’s a mind shift. I don’t know if I am making any impact but I hope so.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Thank you Universe for Pole and friends and good instructors.

Blog 19 Life Lessons


Pole was providing some interesting life lessons this week. I’d had a rough week and only managed to get into Pole for the first time on Friday. Forehead slap for this, if I want to be half way decent for Friday, I need to get my tush into pole at least Monday and Wednesday. Well I didn’t and it showed because I was truly abominable at everything I tried. Fortunately abominable is one of my favourite words so at least I get to use that.

Here’s how Friday went and lets all just think a little kind thought for poor bloody Sarah who was running that class. It kind of went like this;

Sarah – Trish try this move.

Trish – (Pretty much Goofy Disney voice) Awww ok. Gave it a burl, not much happened.

Trish try this move.

Same outcome.

And on and on it went. My god I should have tried a spin around the pole to make sure I could still do that.

I did do a Tammy and I was happy with that but I did wonder how Sarah felt at the end of the session, some lessons must be a hard slog for her if she thinks some of the students aren’t progressing. I hope she knows I love her to bits and enjoy her classes. There were three other girls who were going along great guns so that may have been enough to show her that her training was not in vain and to be honest I figure if I show up it’s better than on Facebook all night.

Sarah asked me at the end, was this session too hard for you? Yes I answered cheerfully. I had found it bloody difficult but as I said to Sarah if I don’t go to the hard sessions I will be bleating about, where’s my Iron X? Why hasn’t it arrived yet? At some point I need to get out of my comfort zone. Sarah said she practised her Iron X every time she was on the pole so I need to do that. Get your act together Trishy. Sarah can do ten Iron X push ups, have I told you that?

Saturday rolled along and in a truly exhausted state I huffed and puffed my way into pole stretch. I had missed the last two Saturdays because of work and that marathon and I wasn’t going to miss another. So far that morning, I had been to gym, I had run a mile and then walked a mile up a hill and back down because I am doing a ‘run/walk’ 100 miles in November challenge. Stretch was excellent, I was pretty warm going in and it just felt so relaxing this week.

The next lesson was Inters 1 and 2 and I was lucky enough to do this with Stephanie and Megan. Those girls are great to do a class with. They are lovely and supportive. They put so much effort into their own moves. They are willing to take risks, they don’t mind experimenting, they don’t play it safe, they don’t mind not succeeding in front of others and they will just keep trying until they get it. I have a lot of respect for these two and again in life lessons I have learnt a lot from them. Stephanie did this move over and over again until she got it, I found this pretty inspiring. Both of these girls are going to perform eventually and I reckon they are going to wow people.

So I seemed ready to continue my pole history of – don’t know nuffin, can’t do nuffin, but to give Giang her due she wasn’t going to give up. Neither did Sarah last night, is this part of the instructor training manual? Find that student who is not moving and get her to move.

We started doing combinations and I was thinking nup, nup and nup. A couple of things was getting in the way of what I was trying to achieve. Giang showed us the Iguana and I really liked that but I wasn’t able to get into it. Giang said I’ll help you. Now I am a big Clydesdale type of person. I am a crossfitter, I am tallish, I’m just big and gangly and unco-ordinated. I looked at Giang and thought I’ll kill her if I land on her. So I told her I was nervous about hurting her and could she just watch rather than spot but I couldn’t get it by myself. Now just file that one away for the time being.

Next Giang showed us the layback. I had seen the layback right back when I started and I remember thinking you will never get that. I have done or have had done some terrible things to my back and she now protests vigorously if I try to bend her backwards. So with reluctance but with admittedly only the tiniest attempts at this move I said to Giang I can’t go backwards. Try she says.

So I tried and Giang came to spot me and I realised that with the top I was wearing if I went upside down Giang was going to see my scars that my top normally hides. So I got up, explained the situation, promised to wear a different top for next week and that was all done and dusted.

So I’m standing there watching Megan and Steph do amazing thing after amazing thing and there’s me with my non bending back and my incorrect top and I’m thinking have you really examined all the options. You can bend backwards on the gyms GHD machine and you can change your top right now you don’t have to wait until next week. So I changed my top and I said to Giang I would like to have a go please.

So off we trotted, I got up, I got in my seat and I put my brittle, scary, causing me humungus pain back in the hands of Giang. I figured if she dropped me there was a mat but regardless I wanted to know if I could do this.

So to do this move you sit in a seat on the pole. You go backwards and you have to let go to go backwards – scary! Giang had explained before that you don’t have the right leg grip until you start to drop because your leg will move into the right position. So you have to lower yourself without the right grip at first. Scary! Giang is very good at explaining the mechanics of a move. She did it when I was scared of the Dive, she said your hands are doing nothing in this position it’s all legs, let your hands go. I trusted her for the Dive I was going to trust her for this.

You know how the motivational people say do something that scares you every day? This friggin terrified me. I have had wonderful instructors that I have trusted and I have had crap instructors that I trusted. So as I started to lower myself I was putting my total trust in Giang and I realised that Pole is a ballsy game. We do scary stuff. I know this wouldn’t bother other people at all but I found it terrifying.

So I was sitting on the pole, my leg was not in the right position yet. I let my hand go and my leg starts to drop and I start to head for the floor. I have to let the other hand go and for a moment it’s just legs on the pole, hands heading for the floor and my back went backwards. My back that hurt me solidly for five weeks once. My back, that I had to take pills to go to bed and pills to get up because it was so painful. The same back was sitting up and then bending backwards and stagger me if she didn’t let me get back up and regrab the pole. My God people, I got off the pole and I did aeroplanes all over the studio floor.

I wondered going into Pole, if because I had started so much later would I not be able to get some moves and now I am starting to wonder if I can have all of the moves if I am willing to put the time in and if I am brave enough. I never thought I would get the Dive, the Dive came. I never thought I would get the Superman, the Superman arrived and now this layback business. My God, my mind is blown. I am a very happy camper.

My last piece of news is, that at the very end of the class, I had another go at the Iguana. Giang came out of nowhere and said Trish can I help you? I was half up half down at this point. I said ok. These hands lifted me into the air and all of a sudden I was Iguaning all over the place. God I wish I had got a picture of that. It’s such a cool move and I did it, even with a little bit of help. I was stoked. I love Pole.

Thank you Universe for Pole and Instructors and cool moves and not being a wuse.


Blog 20 A Marathon Without Training


Blog 20 A Marathon Without Training

Zig Ziglar said you should be able to come up with 200 things you’ve done in your life that you are proud of. I am about to add an item to my list this weekend and the suspense and anticipation are palpable,

I am going to do a marathon without training for it. I have previously run four marathons and an ultra but I’ve always been in training. Whether the training was good or not who knows but I’ve never done it without training.

I heard about this marathon coming up and it got me to thinking, I wonder if I could? If I was going to do this goal I may as well jump on this marathon because after this I would actually like to go back to marathon training and then run it properly. If I was going to do this one I was about as untrained as I could get. So 165 schmackeroos later I am on my way to Tanunda today to pick up my bib.

The thing is I miss running and whenever an event comes up I feel like I have been left behind. Runners are my tribe and the Universe keeps poking and prodding me back towards them. I am happiest when I am out there with them. When we are just about to begin the run, the air is electric. I like it when we acknowledge each other on the run and I like the camaraderie at the finish when we congratulate each other. I do not like the recovery process afterwards, that bit is daunting.

I could totally crash and burn but I want to see what happens. Wish me luck?

I have my bib and it was a thrill to get handed the bib, I’m like a horse on oats, all fidgety and ready to run. This snippet might give you a chuckle. So far I have got the day, time and venue wrong for this event. I am very grateful that I went to gym today and my coach, (how the heck did he remember?), said are you running a marathon tomorrow? And I said no it’s on Sunday and then Danni who is helping out as a volunteer at the marathon said no it’s tomorrow and I thought oh dear. I probably wouldn’t have done gym if I’d known it was tomorrow but there you go if I hadn’t gone to gym I would probably have missed the whole event but never mind I have all the right information now so off we trot. So thank you Sam and thank you Danni.

This will be my first marathon since getting crook. I haven’t done one since 2014. There are a few people who think that if you are a crossfitter you don’t need to do the marathon training. I’m a crossfitter, I scale a lot but hey I turn up, I work out. I’m stronger than I have ever been and I am really curious to see if I can do this and in what sort of condition I will be at the finish of it. I know the mind fucks these runs can give you so I’m not worried about that. The weather is perfect for running so I really think the Universe is behind me on this one.

When I have done this, I put being crook behind me. I say, that girl has gone and now it’s just onwards and upwards. I’ve been walking around with her for too long. She was a tough cookie but she can go now with my blessing. It’s just me still standing. You know what? I want to do a 100km and I think I’m going to make that happen in 2018. There I’ve said it publicly.

I did the marathon yesterday, I finished the bloody thing and now if I may I would like to share my thoughts about doing a marathon without training. I would recommend you don’t do it. I had a truly miserable time doing it and when I got to the finish line and this lovely man shoved a microphone in my face and said how do you feel it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I could see the fear in his eyes and he said, feeling a bit emotional? I nodded and he kindly moved on to the woman next to me.

I met some truly amazing people on this run. Really lovely people, so the runner’s comraderie and the walkers comraderie is still alive and strong. I knew I was in trouble four kilometres into the event when their marathon pace was faster than my 10km pace. As people kept passing me I kept saying to myself keep them in sight and you’ll be ok. I couldn’t keep them in sight and it was a major mindfuck to have people pass you and then disappear.

I had not factored in hills. At no point had I run up a hill in four years. Tanunda, where the run was, is friggin hilly and to call it undulating as the organizers did is not fooling anybody. So now the run was too fast and the hills were too steep and the headfucks started.

I said I could handle the mental mind games that go on but it was not, mindfuck appears squash it down, it was mindfuck appears and you really have to wrestle with that arsehole. I nearly stopped at the first hill, I nearly stopped at ten kms, the only reason I didn’t was because I thought you could at least do the City to Bay distance. Every person that passed me and remember I was way way back in the back so this was people who were originally slower than me passing me, every person made me think what are you doing here?

At one point the sun was beating down and I have awful sunburn now but the sun was fierce and the track was a dirt track and the heat was radiating up from the dirt and I pretended I was someone lost in the desert and the only way I could get help was to keep moving, that kept me going for a cupla ks.

Out in the desert I met a lovely man who was walking (in the same run) and he said as he passed me (walking) are you alright? And I thought no, no I’m not but that is not the pommy way. We can be half dead and we wave and say oh yes I’m fine and that’s what I did. At least he was dressed very brightly and I could keep him in sight for a while until he disappeared too.

I knew before starting the run that I would have some friends on one of the refreshment tables. Danni said that it would be at the 23km mark. In my head way before this run had started, in my head which quite often is a lovely world, here is how I had imagined this scenario. I would approach the 23km mark with lots of other runners. I would wave jauntily to my friends and carry on my way and they would think my goodness she didn’t train for this marathon. What actually happened was at this point I was second to last in position I walked to the table, I begged a hug from Megan that was nice, I saw Danni and Lisa, why the friggin hell didn’t I ask them for suncream, they took a really funny video which I loved and then I had to keep going back out into the desert. They had cool Tshirts that they had got for helping out and they had water and shade and probably snacks and I thought what the flippin heck am I doing?

I kept seeing the ambulance at the refreshment stations and that was another temptation, I thought all you have to do is say help me and it will all be over. I said to one of the guys giving directions, when he asked how are you doing? My hands had swelled up and my arms hurt which I didn’t think was ok because without lymph glands I’m not supposed to let my arms and hands swell up. He said how are you doing and I said I’m thinking about calling it a day and he looked at me and he was one of those lovely iconic aussies, old, sunburnt and stringy strong. He said you can do that and you have my respect for coming this far but when you stop you stop for good and I nodded and I kept walking and I walked past that friggin ambulance when all I wanted to do was jump in. Did I mention the ambulance driver was a cutie? That was just the Universe adding salt to the wound and making temptation all the more enticing. I wish I had kept my mind off the cute ambulance driver and had thought to ask him for suncream. Oh well live and learn.

I got very upset about my hands puffing up. I am terrified of lymphodema. I know now that I was tired and probably had a little sunstroke but I really felt like Sick Trish was shitting all over the event. Well Fit Trish you can’t finish this marathon because lymphodema will get you, quit now, you can’t do these events you’ve been sick and you’ll always be sick and that is your reality. I cried a bit and then I told Sick Trish to fuck off. If I got lymphodema I would deal with it. If I got skin cancer from the sunburn I would deal with it. I was not going to listen to Sick Trish anymore she could stay out in the desert and go and make someone else’s life all safe and cotton woolled. I was out here in the friggin desert having an adventure. I tackled some mental demons out there.

It wasn’t all awful things running through my head. Going through twenty kilometres to thirty I solved some business matters that had been bothering me. I also figured out how I could create my own pole room and that was quite enjoyable.

Whenever things are getting a little intense the Universe sends me an angel. At the thirty kilometre mark an angel appeared. She was brightly dressed and walking determinedly and as she passed me she said “You got this” and kept going. Now I didn’t know that she was the last person at that point but I looked at her like a lifeline. I thought if I just stay with her she is my passport out of the desert. “Do you mind if I walk beside you? I asked. Not at all she said.

Between thirty and forty kilometres I found out that her name was Paola (pronounced Paula) and she had done a 100 kilometre walk. Now come on what are the chances that I would meet someone who had done exactly the event that I wanted to try. Angel sent, there is no other explanation. I’m not fast Paolo said but I always finish. She told me all about her training and where she had been on her various athletic events. She told me what it was like to be in a team on these events, what she ate and the fact that they didn’t sleep. I found it fascinating and I almost forgot about the marathon. I stuck with Paola like glue and she walked me home.

All along the checkpoints people with radios gave our position and a lovely man followed us in a van. As we walked through they opened up the road behind us and allowed the poor traffic through. I started picking up people’s used gel packs, I figured I may as well do something useful while I am out there. Paola said we have to run the last bit people will be watching. I’m pretty sure I was delirious by his point I just knew wherever Paola went I was going to follow. So 10ks became 9, then 8 then 7 and before I knew it we were on the home stretch. There was a barricade, there was a ton of people, I heard my name come out on the loud speaker and Paola’s name. We started to run for the finish line. I tripped and stumbled but I didn’t fall. We got to the finish line. A man put a medal around my neck and it was impossibly heavy. He asked me how I felt, I managed not to cry and then I went and squatted in the shade. This volunteer just kept bringing me cup after cup of water. I wish I had gotten her name.

So I did the marathon, I got myself home, I had a bath with Epsom salts and saw just how sunburnt I was and then the games began. I knew going in that the recovery was going to be difficult. I did not expect the massive cramps I got in my legs. in my quads, my hamstrings and my adductors (I had to look that one up). I have never had cramps like this, they were so amazingly painful, it felt like the muscles were trying to remove themselves from my bones. I was actually worried that I was going to get a muscle tear. If I sat, cramp. If I stood, cramp, if I sat on the bed to sleep, cramp, lie down, cramp, turn over, cramp, stand back up, cramp. I took it for a couple of hours but the thought of a whole night like this was not appealing.

I sent an SOS on facebook and got some good tips. Sam the coach sent me a message and gave me some more good tips. I ended up going down to the doctors because I knew they had a chemist that would be open too so I bought magnesium and electrolytes that people on facebook had recommended and I saw the doctor and she didn’t think my muscles would be likely to tear. She thought there was more chance that being out in the desert had caused my muscles to start melting. I thought well just put that one in the “do not think about box” and deal with these pesky cramps.

I took the electrolytes, I had the magnesium pills and I have not had another cramp. Bloody magic I tell you.

So what did I learn from this experience? Runners and walkers are still lovely people. One lady who I met at the start with her son came and greeted me at the end just because she had seen me at the start and she would have had to wait a long time to see me at he finish. What an angel. If I had trained, the experience would have been a lot more enjoyable and I would have been able to keep up with somebody before Paola came and rescued me but I can now put it on my list of achievements that I completed a marathon without training, not very well but I did it. I will wear a hat next time and I will ask for sun cream at one of the refreshment places. Some snacks wouldn’t have gone amiss. I don’t think walking is easier, you’re just out there for longer. I think the old Cliff Young shuffle is the best way to cover the ground. I’ve put Sick Trish to bed. She started to leave when I did Murph and now she’s totally gone and that’s lovely. I’m not being mean to her she did a great job for a while there but the whole point of getting better is to fly and have adventures not constantly be second guessing yourself.

I’m sad I missed Saturday pole and gym. I’m happy I got bling. I don’t feel like I’ve done a marathon. I feel like I went for a bloody long walk on a bloody hot day and people gave me a drink every four kilometres and then I got a medal at the end. I tackled some demons and hopefully I have got doing a marathon without training out of my system.

That’s my lot, thank you for reading and I will catch you next week. Thank you Universe for providing angels, friends, crossfit coaches, runners and walkers.

Blog 18 Shoulder Rolls, Spinning Choppers and Leg switches Bitches!!!!!!


OMG where do I start? Some lessons you get very little accomplished and you think that’s ok you are building up your strength and if you don’t get the move this time you may get it next time. Some lessons are bloody amazing. Monday night was frickin amazing.

We did this running man move which I liked very much and then we were in for a surprise, shoulder rolls.

I have wanted shoulder rolls for a while. Last Saturday at the Pole Championships I swear every second person was doing shoulder rolls and I thought everyone in the world can do shoulder rolls except me.

Now I should mention here that I have damaged my shoulder previously. I did the AC joint on the Wednesday before an ultra marathon. I still ran/walked the race and my shoulder killed. And yes before you ask I did just name drop an ultra marathon but who knows if I’ll ever do that again so if I get an opportunity to name drop it I’m gunna take it. Anyhoo after that experience I am very touchy about anything to do with shoulders and I’ve never liked rolling backwards.

So Sarah said I’m gunna show you shoulder rolls. Get the mat was my first thought. She showed us and it was beautiful and I stood there kinda feeling like the crippled kid in the Pied Piper of Hamlyn. All the other kids were having a go. In all honesty we had a cupla injured students so it wasn’t quite everyone. But I didn’t have any injuries I just had a big streak of yellow. Not to worry I thought that’s why the Universe gives us spots.

So I said Sarah will you spot me, nobody else asked for spots but I didn’t care. I’m extremely elderly and if I get injured it will take forever to heal. So she did and she talked me through the move and my god I did a bloody shoulder roll. I did not believe it. Have you ever got just exactly what you wanted from the Universe? It’s gorgeous there’s nothing quite like it. The way she showed us takes all the pressure off your neck and it’s as easy as pie and stagger me but I did the shoulder roll front ways, back ways with a mat and then without a mat. Who was this woman teaching us? A frickin magician? I kid you not I have never been able to do shoulder rolls and tonight huzzah!

Well the magic didn’t stop there baby. Sarah says lets do some spinning choppers. Sure I thought I don’t mind me a little spinning chopper action but we didn’t slowly get up and creak around the pole no sir. We took a bit of a run, a bit of a jump and then kapow we were flying. My god I had fun and you know what it was dam close to a bloody aerial fan kick and I thought yessum I like that a lot. I might just mention that I could do these choppers from both sides and I was feeling pretty dam happy.

Right at the finish Sarah showed us this cool flipping trick but I got nowhere with that. I think the Universe was saying “Your head is too big, you will not fit in the car on the way home, your massive ego cannot handle this, we will just pass on this last exercise. So I didn’t get the cool flippy trick but I’m really happy with what I did get.

We had Sarah again on Wednesday and she said ok leg switches. I gave a little sigh and I thought, that’s not for you Trishy that’s for the other kids. So I waited for Sarah to get the other kids started and I figured she would give me an interim move. Over she comes and says would you like to have a go. I realise she means leg switches and I think sure I would love to have a go.

Sarah asks are you ok to let go of your arms during a leg hang and I’m almost cranky. It’s like yes Sarah I can do that bit what does that have to do with a leg switch. My mother didn’t raise a dim child so I kept my big mouth shut and did as I was told and Sarah says ok bring that leg forward, I did and now you can let that one off and switch and I did it. I bloody did it. I did a leg switch. Good God.

I remember looking at those leg switches months ago and thinking keep looking Trishy that’s the closest you’ll ever get to them. It’s so cool how they teach you to bring one leg forward, trap it on the pole then you can remove the other one. Pole is awesome, simply simply awesome. Now I really enjoy saying this:

I did switches bitches ….. boy that feels good to say.

Sarah showed us another fantastic move and I thought yep I’ll have a little of that thank you. So up I climbed and I was hanging upside down like a demented sloth trying to work out which hand went where and which foot went where and all of a sudden Sarah just appears.

How did Sarah just appear like that? Do they teach this in instructor school? Always watch your students and if somebody is doing something new get over there. It was like she appeared out of thin air and it was kind of lovely. All of a sudden I saw her with her arms out and I thought Sarah is hella strong, she’s got me if I fall. Pole instructors are amazing people. We did this cool move and I think it was Ayesha like, blood was starting to pool at the top of my skull, I had been upside down for a while by this time, so it’s hard to remember exactly.

I do recall however that Steph came up to me afterwards and said I can so see you getting the Iron X, that was just verbal crack for me. What a lovely gift to give someone. You should have seen Steph do leg switch after leg switch after leg switch that night it was amazing.

You know I am on school holidays and I really thought about whether I would do Vital Force as well but in all honestly one pole class absolutely tuckers me out. I was stuffed at the finish so I’m going to keep going with single lessons except for Saturdays. Pole is an extremely physical activity.

Giang’s class on Saturday wrapped up an amazing week. Giang’s stretch class is incredible. I have improved so much in the time I have been going. I need to think about doing middle stretch practice at home that would be a very cool thing to have. My side splits are going crazy, two blocks people, booyeah.

The next class I had no energy so that was a hard slog. However when I’m too pooped to do stuff that means I get to watch stuff and in pole you can see some very interesting stuff.

What I had time to watch then while I was too stuffed to do anything was to watch Giang’s teaching style and she is really good. There are two things I base this judgement on so you can decide for yourselves.

The first is, she has a class where the ability level is quite differentiated and today she also had a brand new student. She had to figure out what level the student was at and where she would start a move and she had to do that in two seconds flat before the rest of her students got restless. So then Giang shows us a move and you do that. Then if that is a challenge stay there and work on it. If it’s too easy she will give you the next step and then the next. So everyone is catered for. I think it’s brilliant. It also means that you get to see where the move will take you and that keeps you slogging away.

The second thing she did was amazingly cool. When she demonstrates a move the first thing that struck me was that she can talk and explain the move while she is upside down, she doesn’t even sound puffy. Then I realised that she engineers what she does, I can’t think of a better word for it, so that she is facing us when she is talking so that we can see the move clearly. Now take a minute to absorb that. You are talking about the move and you are doing it so that you get into the move at the right time so that you are facing your students. She even does it so that you can see the move from every angle. I was fascinated by how she was doing this. A brilliant teacher for sure.

Giang is starting to show us progressions with our moves so I was talking about the leg switches we had done and she showed us a hip hold and once that baby is covered we can start looking at Jade splits. If I hadn’t been so tuckered out I would have given it more effort but I had no ooph. Megan and Amelia did a great job and I just pigeon holed this move for next time.

Amelia commented on my abs and I thought thank you darling you have just made my day. I love it when Amelia comes to class she just has this funny and laid back energy and you always know it’s going to be a good lesson when she shows up. If she ever wanted to she could do stand up, she’s a very funny person. Megan did a beautiful jade split and she has fallen previously from this so it’s pretty ballsy that she’s back up there doing it. She also has a middle split to die for.

That’s my lot, thank you for reading and I will catch you next week. Thank you Universe for providing my pole studio, my teachers and my fellow students who I love to bits.


Blog 16 A Brilliant Class and a Wonderful Competition.



Another single class lesson and another brilliant lesson. Now just about everyone who was in beginners with me is in this class so all the old gang are back. There’s a few missing but I imagine they will be joining us soon.

We did this Toothbrush move which was super cool and I loved that. My Vomitron is coming along nicely. I can climb that pole five times without a problem, that’s new. My aerial Chopper is coming along nicely. Emily said I had a six pack, that’s never going to get old. All up a great great class which seemed to be over in a flash.

One of the girls put it really well when we were trying to figure out afterwards why the lesson was so good. She said Emily gives you enough different moves to keep you challenged and enough time to try them properly but not so much time that you get bored. I agreed with her but I also wanted to add what I was incredibly impressed by.

Right at the end of the lesson Emily showed us this really cool move. I had a go at doing it by myself but I really needed her to say put this leg here and that leg there and so on. We were right on the buzzer for end of class and there was a lot of people in the class and I thought she’s never going to have time to help me. So I was telling myself to suck it up Trishy there will be other opportunities to try this and up Emily comes and says Trish do you want a spot? And I said Do you have time? And she says sure. And I say I’ll be quick and she says no take your time and I thought Emily you are unflappable. So I got to do the cool trick and I really wanted to do the cool trick but I have no bloody idea what it is called. Thank you Emily you are amaziballs.

Last night I went to the South Australian Pole Championships and oh my goodness what an event! I’m not even sure where to begin.

It’s held in the Star Theatre and I love that place and yes for people reading each week I was there last week to watch another competition. Now I hate going out, unless there is sport involved I am a person who stays home. What got me out of the house was that tonight I would see Scarlett and Sarah perform and I wanted to see that very much indeed. Scarlett as you know is the owner of the Sky High Pole and Fitness studio and Sarah is one of the instructors there. What I got for my night out as well as seeing these two perform amazingly was a whole lot more than I bargained for.

Scarlett was incredible in her performance. I’m not a pole judge, I’m not experienced so I’m telling you the way I saw it and to me she seemed flawless. Her routine was beautiful and graceful and strong and I was so happy I got to see it. Her costume was gorgeous, she had this cobalt blue top and half skirt, and rhinestones as far as the eye could see. It was stunning and it matched her and her performance. I watched her and I thought I go to her studio, that made me so proud.

Sarah came out and kapow. She was like a force of nature. She is so strong and so sexy and by the end of her routine you were almost out of breath and I thought whoa, what just happened? Sarah radiates strength, confidence and sexiness, she dazzles.

Now once those two were over I thought mm I may as well have a kip they are the ones I came to see. I have however been raised correctly and I know that you clap for everybody even if you want your people to win. I’m so glad that I stayed watching because by golly did I see some performances. Before I forget if I ever thought I had back muscles I do not know what I was talking about. I saw back muscles last night that blew my mind. On a couple of these girls the whole back was just a tapestry of muscle and sinew and it was gorgeous OMG!!!!

Ashleigh HellFire did a performance about the bigotry LGBQTI people face and I nearly cried during it. It was so beautiful and so sad and it showed me that pole can be an art form that expresses what you care about. Ashleigh Hellfire your piece was stunning, it truly affected me.

Then Fiona came on and did this routine and oh my God. This one was a life changer. She did this slow, graceful, strength routine and I knew that is the type of pole I want to pursue. She was totally in control of her body and her strength just took my breath away. You know when you see something and you are changed forever? I will never be quick or be able to do fan kicks like Giang, God I love her fan kicks. I will never be graceful like Scarlett or sexy like Sarah and Tina or an energiser bunny like Emily but this was something I could aspire to. I had found my niche and I was very grateful to Fiona. So much so that I fan girled her and when I saw her in the audience I said Fiona I loved your routine. My god you should have seen her arms!!!! One day I will have arms like that, this I vow.

Poor Fiona wasn’t the only one I stalked. I sent a message to Ashleigh because she had to know how beautiful her routine was. There is one more performer that I would like to mention.

This person won the professional part of the competition and she was incredible. Her name is Christina and she had it all, strength, flexibility, gutsiness with the moves she performed and she had so much showmanship. She did this thing where she turned to the audience and she winked and did a pistol shot or something and I was like ooh she owns this. She marched up that pole like it was a ladder and then she did drops, and balance stuff and fast stuff and slow stuff and I thought goodness. I found this poor woman outside by her car, “Christina your performance was amazing!!!! It’s going to be a miracle if the organizers let me in next year. You know what every one of those women were so gracious and lovely, none of them said wrack off, they just said thank you very much. Pole people are a classy type of people.

It was an amazing night and my life has changed because of it. I know that sounds dramatic but Fiona has shown me my future in pole. How cool to think you can have that much influence over another person.

I’m not sure if I will go in a comp or not. I now know that if I do I will do a slow strong routine. Maybe I could do a comic routine I think I could pull that off.

One last thing about the comp, watching these women and their level of athleticism has made me think that I made the right decision to keep going with gym as well as pole. I think by doing gym and keeping up my strength and cardio I will be less susceptible to injuries and I will progress quicker because of being fitter. Fiona does gym and if it’s good enough for Fiona then it’s good enough for me. She also does yoga and I bet that makes her good and bendy. I have Giang for that.

Giang reckons she can get me my middle splits. I’m already doing side splits on blocks in Giang’s stretch class so it’s very cool. If I get my middle splits I will be a very happy camper.

Thank you Universe for providing my pole studio, my teachers and my fellow students and pole competitions and pole competition competitors. It’s a beautiful unicorny world.