Blog 2 August Has Been An Amazing Month

Blog 2 August Has Been an Amazing Month

Before I rattle on about what’s been happening I want to take a moment to appreciate what pole has been doing for me.

I am amazed by how much returning to pole has helped my mental health. The studio is the sort of place where you are greeted the moment you walk through the door and it’s like my second home. It has a friendly laid back atmosphere and it is doing me a power of good. I’ve been genuinely happy and I haven’t been happy in a long while. Being happy in my book is worth a lot. Life can be very difficult so this return to a happy mood has meant the world to me.

I told you in the last blog that I had got my confidence back and I was trying new things. This month I was made student of the month and my God did that just blow me away. Kat the instructor said I need to talk to you about something Trish and I immediately thought oh god what have I done, what have I said. Have I upset someone, are they kicking me out? Then in the next breath she said I’m making you student of the month, and it’s my birthday month people!!!! Does it get better than that? I got my photo taken in class and I did my extended butterfly which is really starting to be my move. I was so stoked I cannot tell you, except I am, in a blog, but you know what I mean.

My splits came back and my pancake came back. Now in all honesty I was wondering whether my body would be able to go back to those things and it has!!!!! Thanks Body.

My pole studio put my splits and my becoming student of the month on their insta. So I was  just looking at facebook and then I saw my own image on the insta part and it made me feel so good about myself. They have increased my self confidence by an amazing amount. Why I spent time with people who dragged me down is beyond me. I am flying at this place. Absolutely flying.

I got this cool spin that I’ve wanted for a while, that just arrived all by itself but I don’t know the name of it. When I do find out I’ll let you know. My studio has also started a Sunday dance class and I love it

I’ve said yes to go in the show case and if Covid stuffs this up I will perform in front of my dogs. I told Kat, they won’t care, she said they will if you throw treats while you spin. I’ve invited two friends from my first pole studio to come and watch and even if I am abysmal I will go out and I will do this. I’m already thinking of my next routine, I fancy a strength routine to Scheherazade or the start of Bolero, you know like a big snake winding around the pole. I really fancy that.

I was thinking today that I deserve to be happy. I was in a yucky dark place and I knew that was not the place I was supposed to stay. The army says if you are in the shit keep going until you are out if it. I did this, I kept going. For months I got up, I looked after my animals, I managed my finances and I kept my work going and I tried to find good things wherever possible. Bit by bit things started to look sunnier. I’m back to humming all the songs we play in class. Doing a spin while I hang out the washing. Working on a move while I wait for the horse to finish her tea. It’s Heaven to fell like this again and I am incredibly grateful.

Funny enough two people contacted me in August who had absolutely broken my heart. The first explained why she did it and I gotta say I wouldn’t have guessed that explanation in a thousand years. That goes back to the whole crab boiling business. The other one either didn’t know my heart had been broken or just figured hey it’s been long enough forgive and forget. You do that and history repeats itself.  I’m in a good place because I did not accept a shitty situation I kept going until I found a better one. Pretty cool and now at the end of August I’m happy.

Thanks for reading. Life is good.

Blog 1 2020 Magic happened.

Blog One “Magic Happened”

I had to replace my computer and while I wait for whatever can be salvaged I have no idea what blog number I was up to. This can be No 1 post covid or during covid or in our covid current world. I kind of feel like life can be measured in what were we doing before covid and what are we doing now.

It feels intrusive to just front up and say hey I’m here when I haven’t blogged in months, so apologies for that. I’ve been through fire people, but like the phoenix I have returned, a little battered, a little worse for wear but I’m back and something magical has happened.

Now I am reminded that if you believe in magic you see it everywhere and if you don’t believe in magic you won’t see it anywhere, but I believe, and I saw it.

I had been steadily getting smaller and weaker. I blamed it on my health, on covid, on being busy, on being broke, on not liking work, on getting older and so on it went. The Trish I used to know, trapeze Trish, circus Trish, obstacle course Trish, marathon running Trish, not afraid of anything Trish had been gradually chipped away at. I had been told, you’re not a spring chicken anymore, I actually got called Old Trish even though the schmuck who told me that had also told me to be careful of what words you allow in your head because it can poison you.

I had become so cautious and so fearful. I thought that I had learnt from experience and I was wiser but I wasn’t, I was just becoming old like a self fulfilling prophecy. Then this magical thing happened.

I had done an acro class with my pole instructor Kat maybe six months ago and I had refused to do just about everything she offered. No I’ll hurt myself, no I can’t possibly do that. No I’m not comfortable doing that. Kat worked her arse off trying to come up with alternative activities and in the end she offered to refund my class fee. I said no because I think even then I knew where the problem was and that was me.

I have been going to this current studio for a while and every time I go there’s jokes, there’s encouragement, there’s laughing. I started to hear comments like, Trish you’re strong enough to do this. Trish you’re a beast and slowly it started to permeate. I would refuse to do a move and the instructor would shrug or would say try this then and I started to think hang on I might just try this.

I got a one on one lesson with Kat where I found out that I could do a leg hang without a hitch. This was important to me. I had a class on Friday where I got shown the Dive (yeah that old chestnut) and it felt so much stronger and secure. Then I had Kat on Saturday and she was laughing about an exercise she wanted us to try. One person stands on another person’s shoulders and the person below does squats. I laughed in my head. Doesn’t Kat know how old I am? Doesn’t she realise there is no possible way I could stand on someone’s shoulders. I’m too big, I’ll hurt them.

I start looking around and no-one else was wusing out. They’re laughing, they’re saying no way but no one is running for the door. Kat mentioned the exercise and then we warmed up so I had time to think about it. The first part of the warm up I’m thinking just get up and leave, just go. You’re not a tree, you’re not planted here go, vote with your feet and I knew I could do that, no problem.

Then the Trish of Christmas past made an appearance. ‘Why shouldn’t you do it? Why shouldn’t you try? How many people get the opportunity to do this?’

So I did it. The moment I stood on Kat’s shoulders it was like an old uncomfortable coat fell off me. Like a hard shell that I had been slowly growing cracked and dropped. I stood up there and I had fun. I hung on to the pole for dear life but it was brilliant. It was exhilarating, fun and transformative. I realised that my decline in health and ability was not due to my body but my mind. The mind is a poor master but a good servant. Trish who has a go is back! How priceless a gift is this?

Later in that class I did a shoulder roll which I had refused to do in that earlier acro class and it was confirmation that the previous Trish was back.

A lesson to be learned is not to let people’s comments get to you but also don’t be the one making the comments you have no idea the damage you can do. There are people in this world who will try to clip your wings and then there are people like the ones at my pole studio who will remind you that you can fly.

I am so grateful to this pole studio. I nearly didn’t come back from this slump.

Thanks for reading, stay safe in this crazy world.