Blog 3 Pole is My Happy Place

There’s been a lot going on in Pole. In summary, Sunday I learned a beautiful dance from Nicole. She did this move where you were in a lunge and then you come back to the pole and it was gorgeous. Renee was in the class so I got to see my instructor as a student and it was really interesting watching how she learned something. Monday we did a tricks class where first I did a combo which I know in my sleep because it’s one of my favourites and I managed to completely stuff it up in front of Kat and she said ok keep practising and I thought noooo this is my combo! But then the Universe gave me another chance and I got to do it again and she said well done Trish. Plus I knew the name of a move that Kat and Nicole couldn’t remember so didn’t I just feel special. Nicole was helping out in the class and she’s hysterical demonstrating stuff. Very funny woman, pole comedy could definitely be a thing and Nicole has a back and arms to die for. Thursday I was back doing Nicole’s class and I did a lot of nups because this class really kicked me out of my comfort zone but I’ll be back because she is doing lots of cool things. Friday was with Renee and we did pole moves for the initials of our name and that was a lot of fun. I kept wishing my name had a B or an A because I wanted to do Butterflies and the Ayesha but never mind.  

 Just one of the things I love about pole is the music. Each instructor plays very different music and I have learnt how to shazzam it, the pole people helped me with this and Renee one of the owners showed me that everything I shazzam is saved so I go home and do my chores listening to the brilliant songs I have heard in class. This makes me happy. Somebody told me that you like a song because of the memory of what you were doing when you first heard it. So the song you heard when you met your love, the song you heard when you sat at the end of a jetty with your friends drinking a buck a bottle wine, you get the gist. Now what is happening is I listen to the song and it’s more like I remember how I felt when I got a pole move, or a silly joke in class or someone else got a move they have wanted for ever and they were so happy. It’s music plus.

Pole is going well for me. I told you that I have signed up for the show case. The purpose is to perform in front of others. It doesn’t matter if I am not great I need to get up there and do it otherwise this goal will always nag at me. Now a couple of weeks back Kat said ok Trish lets use this class to work on your routine and I couldn’t do one thing. I was so used to Renee doing it and me following I couldn’t do anything without her. Mmm I thought this is a problem.

So I scurried home and I had a good long think about it. First I wrote the moves down, that helped. The next bit I needed was to hear in the music when I was supposed to do a certain move. I was certain that there was no markers but I listened to the opening part of the music over and over again and eventually when I shut my eyes I could hear the beats where you were supposed to do something. I put those two pieces of information together and I practised solidly for two weeks. Routine thou shall be mine.

I have now been able to go back and show Renee and Kat so my previous woeful performance has been mitigated slightly. Here’s an example of how gorgeous pole people are. I wanted to show Renee that I had practised and there were two other girls in the class. I waited til the end of the class and then I said Renee can I show you, it will only take 30 seconds. First Renee is all I’ll just give you a lesson on the spot Trish, she’s amazing but I also discovered afterwards the other two girls had gone out of the class and waited while I did my thirty seconds and I didn’t even ask them to, they just figured I wanted privacy. How gorgeous of them! I didn’t want privacy I wanted them to watch and say oh my god Trish that was amazing but that might be stretching my luck a little.

Kat was the next unfortunate victim of my ‘I’ve got the start of the routine down now’ so I pounced on her the moment I saw her. Can I show you Kat? Can I can I? She’s a sweety. I’ve shown her now so I feel like I have redeemed my previous pitiful attempt.

So speaking of Kat she gave me an amazing gift today which I wish to share. I want you to realize that when I keep using the word amazing I’m not using hyperbole, every time I use it I mean it. Today was so astonishing that I asked Kat to take a picture because I wanted to record it.

We did this class where the goal of it was to do everything beautifully and I thought oh yeah, fat chance Kat but I am a hard working student and if that was the goal then by golly I was going to give it my best effort. I am working hard on my self image but I don’t even look at myself in the mirror for longer than I have to because I see wrinkles and nothing attractive looking back. However beautiful was the job and I was going to give it a red hot go.

We started with even the warm up having to be beautiful and I have never considered this before. I do the warm up, I huff and puff and I think oh my god will I survive. This time we did these beautiful hands and sweeping arms and it was totally different. It was really relaxing for one thing and it has never occurred to me that perhaps I could just act beautiful like you act brave or calm or whatever other thing you fake to get through life.

So we did the warm up and then we started doing these moves and everything was to be done beautifully. It was exhausting but it was also kind of cool being somebody that you are not. It was fun, it was like playing another character. We finished with this combo which was fine but then to get down from it Kat said bend one leg, straighten the other and point your toes. I looked at her like she was mad and I thought what do you want me to do that for? I was on the pole at this stage and I knew that if I asked this question I would have to stay up there longer and I was quite tired at this point so I did as she said and descended with one leg bent and one leg pointed and this thing happened. I know it’s going to sound silly but I don’t care, it happened and it was so amazing that after the lesson I got Kat to take my picture because I wanted to remember how it felt when I came down that pole.

I must have looked in the mirror when I came down. I saw me coming down that pole and just for a moment I looked like some beautiful pole dancer. I know it sounds crazy but I looked really good and I felt beautiful. I just did. I can’t remember when I last felt beautiful. How much would you pay someone for that feeling?

I’ll put the picture on this blog but it’s a picture we took afterwards not when this ‘thing’ happened but God it was amazing and it was lovely and it was a gift that I was not expecting. So thank you Kat I am very grateful.

I have to say Kat was a riot taking that photo. She took forever to take the shot because she kept saying straighten that leg, arch the back and I was laughing because I was holding myself up with my arms and it was murder.

I don’t have that feeling now but I had it and that can’t be taken away plus I have a picture and a facebook post and this blog and my memory that says it happened. Amazing stuff! What if I could fake graceful and beautiful again or on a regular basis, now wouldn’t that be something. Mmm?

Pole is my happy place, phew justified that title. Thanks for reading. Catch you next time.  

Blog 2 August Has Been An Amazing Month

Blog 2 August Has Been an Amazing Month

Before I rattle on about what’s been happening I want to take a moment to appreciate what pole has been doing for me.

I am amazed by how much returning to pole has helped my mental health. The studio is the sort of place where you are greeted the moment you walk through the door and it’s like my second home. It has a friendly laid back atmosphere and it is doing me a power of good. I’ve been genuinely happy and I haven’t been happy in a long while. Being happy in my book is worth a lot. Life can be very difficult so this return to a happy mood has meant the world to me.

I told you in the last blog that I had got my confidence back and I was trying new things. This month I was made student of the month and my God did that just blow me away. Kat the instructor said I need to talk to you about something Trish and I immediately thought oh god what have I done, what have I said. Have I upset someone, are they kicking me out? Then in the next breath she said I’m making you student of the month, and it’s my birthday month people!!!! Does it get better than that? I got my photo taken in class and I did my extended butterfly which is really starting to be my move. I was so stoked I cannot tell you, except I am, in a blog, but you know what I mean.

My splits came back and my pancake came back. Now in all honesty I was wondering whether my body would be able to go back to those things and it has!!!!! Thanks Body.

My pole studio put my splits and my becoming student of the month on their insta. So I was  just looking at facebook and then I saw my own image on the insta part and it made me feel so good about myself. They have increased my self confidence by an amazing amount. Why I spent time with people who dragged me down is beyond me. I am flying at this place. Absolutely flying.

I got this cool spin that I’ve wanted for a while, that just arrived all by itself but I don’t know the name of it. When I do find out I’ll let you know. My studio has also started a Sunday dance class and I love it

I’ve said yes to go in the show case and if Covid stuffs this up I will perform in front of my dogs. I told Kat, they won’t care, she said they will if you throw treats while you spin. I’ve invited two friends from my first pole studio to come and watch and even if I am abysmal I will go out and I will do this. I’m already thinking of my next routine, I fancy a strength routine to Scheherazade or the start of Bolero, you know like a big snake winding around the pole. I really fancy that.

I was thinking today that I deserve to be happy. I was in a yucky dark place and I knew that was not the place I was supposed to stay. The army says if you are in the shit keep going until you are out if it. I did this, I kept going. For months I got up, I looked after my animals, I managed my finances and I kept my work going and I tried to find good things wherever possible. Bit by bit things started to look sunnier. I’m back to humming all the songs we play in class. Doing a spin while I hang out the washing. Working on a move while I wait for the horse to finish her tea. It’s Heaven to fell like this again and I am incredibly grateful.

Funny enough two people contacted me in August who had absolutely broken my heart. The first explained why she did it and I gotta say I wouldn’t have guessed that explanation in a thousand years. That goes back to the whole crab boiling business. The other one either didn’t know my heart had been broken or just figured hey it’s been long enough forgive and forget. You do that and history repeats itself.  I’m in a good place because I did not accept a shitty situation I kept going until I found a better one. Pretty cool and now at the end of August I’m happy.

Thanks for reading. Life is good.