Blog 2 August Has Been An Amazing Month

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Blog 2 August Has Been an Amazing Month

Before I rattle on about what’s been happening I want to take a moment to appreciate what pole has been doing for me.

I am amazed by how much returning to pole has helped my mental health. The studio is the sort of place where you are greeted the moment you walk through the door and it’s like my second home. It has a friendly laid back atmosphere and it is doing me a power of good. I’ve been genuinely happy and I haven’t been happy in a long while. Being happy in my book is worth a lot. Life can be very difficult so this return to a happy mood has meant the world to me.

I told you in the last blog that I had got my confidence back and I was trying new things. This month I was made student of the month and my God did that just blow me away. Kat the instructor said I need to talk to you about something Trish and I immediately thought oh god what have I done, what have I said. Have I upset someone, are they kicking me out? Then in the next breath she said I’m making you student of the month, and it’s my birthday month people!!!! Does it get better than that? I got my photo taken in class and I did my extended butterfly which is really starting to be my move. I was so stoked I cannot tell you, except I am, in a blog, but you know what I mean.

My splits came back and my pancake came back. Now in all honesty I was wondering whether my body would be able to go back to those things and it has!!!!! Thanks Body.

My pole studio put my splits and my becoming student of the month on their insta. So I was  just looking at facebook and then I saw my own image on the insta part and it made me feel so good about myself. They have increased my self confidence by an amazing amount. Why I spent time with people who dragged me down is beyond me. I am flying at this place. Absolutely flying.

I got this cool spin that I’ve wanted for a while, that just arrived all by itself but I don’t know the name of it. When I do find out I’ll let you know. My studio has also started a Sunday dance class and I love it

I’ve said yes to go in the show case and if Covid stuffs this up I will perform in front of my dogs. I told Kat, they won’t care, she said they will if you throw treats while you spin. I’ve invited two friends from my first pole studio to come and watch and even if I am abysmal I will go out and I will do this. I’m already thinking of my next routine, I fancy a strength routine to Scheherazade or the start of Bolero, you know like a big snake winding around the pole. I really fancy that.

I was thinking today that I deserve to be happy. I was in a yucky dark place and I knew that was not the place I was supposed to stay. The army says if you are in the shit keep going until you are out if it. I did this, I kept going. For months I got up, I looked after my animals, I managed my finances and I kept my work going and I tried to find good things wherever possible. Bit by bit things started to look sunnier. I’m back to humming all the songs we play in class. Doing a spin while I hang out the washing. Working on a move while I wait for the horse to finish her tea. It’s Heaven to fell like this again and I am incredibly grateful.

Funny enough two people contacted me in August who had absolutely broken my heart. The first explained why she did it and I gotta say I wouldn’t have guessed that explanation in a thousand years. That goes back to the whole crab boiling business. The other one either didn’t know my heart had been broken or just figured hey it’s been long enough forgive and forget. You do that and history repeats itself.  I’m in a good place because I did not accept a shitty situation I kept going until I found a better one. Pretty cool and now at the end of August I’m happy.

Thanks for reading. Life is good.

Blog 1 2020 Magic happened.

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Blog One “Magic Happened”

I had to replace my computer and while I wait for whatever can be salvaged I have no idea what blog number I was up to. This can be No 1 post covid or during covid or in our covid current world. I kind of feel like life can be measured in what were we doing before covid and what are we doing now.

It feels intrusive to just front up and say hey I’m here when I haven’t blogged in months, so apologies for that. I’ve been through fire people, but like the phoenix I have returned, a little battered, a little worse for wear but I’m back and something magical has happened.

Now I am reminded that if you believe in magic you see it everywhere and if you don’t believe in magic you won’t see it anywhere, but I believe, and I saw it.

I had been steadily getting smaller and weaker. I blamed it on my health, on covid, on being busy, on being broke, on not liking work, on getting older and so on it went. The Trish I used to know, trapeze Trish, circus Trish, obstacle course Trish, marathon running Trish, not afraid of anything Trish had been gradually chipped away at. I had been told, you’re not a spring chicken anymore, I actually got called Old Trish even though the schmuck who told me that had also told me to be careful of what words you allow in your head because it can poison you.

I had become so cautious and so fearful. I thought that I had learnt from experience and I was wiser but I wasn’t, I was just becoming old like a self fulfilling prophecy. Then this magical thing happened.

I had done an acro class with my pole instructor Kat maybe six months ago and I had refused to do just about everything she offered. No I’ll hurt myself, no I can’t possibly do that. No I’m not comfortable doing that. Kat worked her arse off trying to come up with alternative activities and in the end she offered to refund my class fee. I said no because I think even then I knew where the problem was and that was me.

I have been going to this current studio for a while and every time I go there’s jokes, there’s encouragement, there’s laughing. I started to hear comments like, Trish you’re strong enough to do this. Trish you’re a beast and slowly it started to permeate. I would refuse to do a move and the instructor would shrug or would say try this then and I started to think hang on I might just try this.

I got a one on one lesson with Kat where I found out that I could do a leg hang without a hitch. This was important to me. I had a class on Friday where I got shown the Dive (yeah that old chestnut) and it felt so much stronger and secure. Then I had Kat on Saturday and she was laughing about an exercise she wanted us to try. One person stands on another person’s shoulders and the person below does squats. I laughed in my head. Doesn’t Kat know how old I am? Doesn’t she realise there is no possible way I could stand on someone’s shoulders. I’m too big, I’ll hurt them.

I start looking around and no-one else was wusing out. They’re laughing, they’re saying no way but no one is running for the door. Kat mentioned the exercise and then we warmed up so I had time to think about it. The first part of the warm up I’m thinking just get up and leave, just go. You’re not a tree, you’re not planted here go, vote with your feet and I knew I could do that, no problem.

Then the Trish of Christmas past made an appearance. ‘Why shouldn’t you do it? Why shouldn’t you try? How many people get the opportunity to do this?’

So I did it. The moment I stood on Kat’s shoulders it was like an old uncomfortable coat fell off me. Like a hard shell that I had been slowly growing cracked and dropped. I stood up there and I had fun. I hung on to the pole for dear life but it was brilliant. It was exhilarating, fun and transformative. I realised that my decline in health and ability was not due to my body but my mind. The mind is a poor master but a good servant. Trish who has a go is back! How priceless a gift is this?

Later in that class I did a shoulder roll which I had refused to do in that earlier acro class and it was confirmation that the previous Trish was back.

A lesson to be learned is not to let people’s comments get to you but also don’t be the one making the comments you have no idea the damage you can do. There are people in this world who will try to clip your wings and then there are people like the ones at my pole studio who will remind you that you can fly.

I am so grateful to this pole studio. I nearly didn’t come back from this slump.

Thanks for reading, stay safe in this crazy world.

 

 

Blog 01 Don’t Drink The Kool Aid – A Cautionary Tale

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Way back in whenever that I started my blog, I did it to promote a friend’s new sport. The sport stopped but my blog continued. I used my blog to promote new dance studios, gyms or activities that I was enjoying. My blog has been with me during the Pinery fires, through business failures, dog training, donkey training, circus, trapeze and on and on. If I think I have learnt something that may be of value to others I will blog that learning. My blog is like a friend, or a message in a bottle. I can vent, I can get something out of my system and then move forward and that is what I would like to do today.

I’ve tried getting this out of my system by talking to people, I tried by facebook posting but nope I’m six weeks after the event and still it fills my thoughts whenever I let my guard down. It’s like I’m supposed to do something but I don’t know what. Are there just shitty things that happen in life and you can’t learn from them or improve the situation? Do you just have to accept that evil things happen and that nothing can be done about them? This blog is going to have a couple of points made so I’ll summarise at the end to make damn sure I’ve untangled them all and stated my case. Then perhaps I can have some peace or at least be open to whatever learning there is.

This blog is about me leaving my gym and how difficult I found that process. I left my gym because the owner of the gym puts live crabs in boiling water to cook them, that’s after leaving them in his boat for a half an hour while he returns to shore. I heard him say it, I watched my friend hear him say it and just nod her head and I knew I was in the wrong place and I had to get out immediately. I can’t remember ever feeling so nauseous and just thinking my god get out.

I tried to rationalize it so I didn’t make a big scene at the gym. I gave them every benefit of the doubt but eventually I had to accept that even when I was a meat eater I knew it was an incredibly cruel thing to put a live animal in boiling water. These were people who had told me that they were kind hearted, that they loved their dogs. How can you love one animal and not at least show compassion for others. When I told my gym friends why I had left here are the comments I received.

“You have a right to your beliefs Trish” When did putting an animal in boiling water become a belief. What happened to just plain decency?

“Thank you for letting me know” This was from a person who regularly posted on facebook about help this animal, help that animal, but I guess if you are a crab you do not deserve that compassion.

The gym friends that stayed behind and knew why I had left were now continuing to give this monster their gym fees. Evil happens when good men do nothing and they were doing nothing, they were doing worse than nothing because they were continuing to support him.

The friend who had been there that morning just cut me dead. She chose the crab boiling bastard over me and just cut me dead. We had done so many challenges together and had so many long conversations but she just cut me dead. There was a lot of learning from that one.

I came to that gym when my business was in trouble. When I was recuperating from being sick. When circus and Hit Ball stopped. I made friends there and spent so much time there, that when I left I was at sea.

I can’t remember feeling so lonely in such a long time.

So what have I learnt from this.

I will never rely on gym for being my only source of friendships or even the majority of friendships. I will not swallow the Kool Aid again. Gym will be gym and yes I’ll chat and I’ll be friendly and I will spot people safely but I doubt that I will ever trust people like I did at that gym.

Maybe before I make a new friend I should just ask, hey before we become proper friends can you please tell me where do you stand on live export, boiling animals alive, rodeos etc. At least then it wouldn’t come as a horrible shock.

I’ve met some lovely people now and joined their gym. You better believe I asked them whether they would boil live animals or not before i signed up. They all seem lovely and friendly but I’m not going to swallow the Kool Aid again. You want to trust somebody trust your dog or your cat or your donkey or your horse. The only way they will break your heart is when they leave the planet.

I have learned that supposedly kind people can be monsters. Friends may not really be friends at all. I have learnt that I will do what I think is right regardless of how hard it is and I’m proud of that. I’m looking forward to 2020. I am going to train insane and I’m going to show myself that kindness and ethics can get great gym results.

Thank you for reading, catch you next time.